Category Archives: comedy

Positivity: Day 9

Live every day like it’s your last and you don’t have to go to the gym…but go to the gym!

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Positivity: Day 1

I won Rodney Carrington tickets! Day 1 of positivity-thon and I won tickets. I stepped up to spin the wheel at Cobb Energy Center’s anniversary party and it stopped on free show tickets.  I was blown away.    I felt like a kid in the chocolate factory, I got the golden ticket.  It gets better. I walked into the auditorium and received a text that I won the raffle I just entered.  2 big wins in a row!!  I was on a date with me!  

I get kicked out…a lot

The end of 2015 and for the better part of 2016 I subconsciously made it my mission.  Places I got kicked out of and in no particular order:

  1. A massage.  The massage tech said and I quote “I don’t think our energies are going to mesh”.  No duh.
  2. Comedy school…they turned the mic off on me. Does this mean I graduated?
  3. Uber…several times.  My current rating is now 3.0 and dropping
  4. My job a.k.a fired
  5. My apartment.  They sent me a letter stating they would not be renewing my lease
  6. My therapist…and let me tell you she was no Dr. Melfi.  She had a hard time living in the present moment
  7. Roommate #1.  He wanted sex and I wanted to be invisible.  It’s my fault.  I let him masturbate in front of me and forgot all about it.  It meant nothing to me but I can understand the mixed messaging.
  8. Roommate #2.  No words.
  9. Roommate #3.  Never move in with family if you can help it.
  10. Thai food restaurant.  It’s not my fault the food was inedible but it is my duty to compliment the chef on attempting to make me throw up.

That almost averages to one a month…impressive!

Weekend Winedown 5/19/2017

Kids. There is never a situation I need to be around a child. My roommate has kids and his daughter asked me if I worked for her dad…doing what? What job would I possibly do here that required your dad to kick you out of your bedroom? I was watching a TLC commercial and the chick asked how would you tell identical twins apart and my first thought was to take a picture of the baby with its name written on it and hang it around its neck…that was my first thought.

Anywho, here is some music I liked yesterday.  Enjoy your weekend!!

Spotify
Tidal

May 11th

8:15 pm 5/10/2017

I’m preheating the oven for some pasta I said I wasn’t going to eat. 8:17, I cut the oven off and laid on the floor and couldn’t stop thinking about tomorrow. Reflecting back on the last 364 days and what has happened:

  1. Moved out of the roommates mystery mansion.
  2. Moved in with a guy who told everyone I was his girlfriend and I played the role. Every minute was a low point. Moved out.
  3. Moved in with the sister. Money this. Rice on the floor that. Slept in the living room because the spare bedroom got turned into the garage because the garage was filled with non-rent paying junk. Moved out.
  4. Moved into my own place. 

Now what. Everyday my head has so many thoughts and at this moment I’m looking for an answer to “is this ok?” 

Trust the process. Tomorrow, somewhere around 10am, will be the anniversary of my retirement.  To celebrate the momentous occasion I’m going to Topgolf. I hope it rains.